My Current Question

The different realms of the human mind is something that can fascinate anyone. Its complexity is a pure awe to one and all. I'm implying this on the terms that there can be so many interpretations of one single aspect, in the mind of just one individual.

Now the questions I have in mind involves the most important objective of life, the key of life if you may - Happiness. People can have different interpretations of happiness. In my mind it self, there are different realms to this essential key of life. Does happiness lay is how rich you are? Not just economically, how rich you are with company, how rich you are with compassion, how rich you are with education, knowledge? Does happiness lay in spreading happiness to others? Or does none of his matter as we ourselves control how happy we are?

I recently came to figure out that the idea of complete happiness does not exist. Its all a balancing act between the positives and negatives. The scale keeps tilting to either side at all times. Too much happiness, then some invisible force that I call fate (others call god) will lay more weights on the sadness side and vise versa. Also, its really difficult to achieve a balance. And that's what we all strive for over a lifetime. I recently visited an old age home and I notice there that there are a select few of among the aged that looked happy. While most of the rest seemed to be depressed. Now there could be multiple reasons why, but I am beginning to think that the ones who were happy were the ones who were able to strike a balance.

Could this be it. Our aim in life. To strike a balance between the positives and negatives that will somehow satisfy us and lead to happiness, the essential key or life? Yet again... my complex mind has multiple answers to that. See what I mean! 

For the human mind is never free from want

Its been a long time since I'v posted a new blog, but that has its reasons, the chief of it being the fact that I had virtually no access to internet in the awesome (pun intended) hostel I'm at. Now that is just me being very unfair to my hostel, but I guess it will forgive me for a few criticism. On the whole I am thoroughly enjoying my new life, my completely new I must say. The next time I feel like I want a change I should consider doing something way less grave though, like getting a hair cut for instance. Because this time I went completely overboard, starting with a hair cut, to a co-ed educational institute for the first time in my life, to staying away from family, of course, for the first time in my life. Haha!

But on a more serious note, all these changes has definitely had a positive impact on me. I find myself more independent that I ever was. I feel like I'm living my life for ME and not anybody else. Besides, when the decisions of life that you take are yours alone, and when you get a feeling that those decisions are indeed the right ones, it calls for a celebration. And I celebrate by living life trying my best to be how I am, and spending more of it first trying to figure out who I am! Its wonderful how much one learns about oneself once they are independent. Sometimes I feel like a true 18 year old with mood swings and irritations surly, but the overall picture is beautiful thought there can be a few rough edges here and there.I have got all that I have wanted if not better.

However its ironic how endless the human wants can be! It never gets over. I now have new needs and plans and goales. Its like the mind does not ever quit dreaming even after all dreams are fulfilled. 

Elated

Never thought one can feel more that happy, till today. A dream come true indeed. Remember feeling anxious and excited about the one thing I have been waiting to do for what feels like a life time? I did that one thing today. It was not just as awesome as I expected, it was better. I feel elated and really really happy.    I cant wait to have this kind of fun again! Two of my friends, also first timers to this kind of thing and I, however lost and confused we were had the time of your lives. And since it was all that I hoped it would be and even better, I now have my questions answered. I know what I can do now, more of this! lost more. It made me feel alive and on top of the world! One of my best days yet :D

My Current Question

People say that a persons true character is revealed when they are thrown into bad situations. Like when they are in danger or (more apt to my situation) when their temper is tested. I recently had to come across a situation when my nerves were boiling and I was at a loss on how to react. I first thought of ignoring the uncivil message sent my an old foe. And did do just that for a short amount of time, but my temper got the better of me. As a usual habit of mine, I will not take injustice done to me when I have done nothing wrong. And this unruly message accused me of having done something wrong while I was convinced I had not. At the moment I had decide to ignore it, I thought that the person vented out their anger and if I don't reply that would be the end of it. But somewhere along the short while I did ignore, I got a sudden upsurge of nerves and I had to set things clear. I sent this person a reply that consisted of a clear explanation in a rather rude manner of to clear it out. So here is the question. Is it right for one to always keep there composure and never be rude ever when aggravated or do you give people what they deserve by being rude?  

The Long Awaited

Face it. There is no better feeling than doing the one thing that you are not allowed to do. That surge of excitement is like none other. That thrill and the feeling of doing something you could get into trouble for and escaping or getting caught for it...its like none other. ( Except eating chocolate that is....nothing can beat the awesomeness of chocolate).
Why such a sudden surge of excitement you ask ?

Um! Bored...

How bored must one be if their only excitement at a particular period of time must be derived from the fact that they are infected most unfortunately by a virus that gives them a violent cold?

Watch it Or Hear it!!

I got this feeling on the summer day when you were gone.

I crashed my car into the bridge. I watched, I let it burn.
I threw your sh*t into a bag and pushed it down the stairs.
I crashed my car into the bridge.

I don't care, I love it. I don't care.

SORRY mom!

But so many months at home and well 

Way to inspiring to exist !! 

LOVE IT

Updates

I just saw an epic movie. Quiet literally. I saw the movie "Epic"! I thought it would be interesting, but it was not. Very similar to that " Honey I Shrunk The Kids Movie" movie. Obviously it has a different concept, yet, some old good person bad person shit. Here's almost the best part of the movie...I saw it online. Its this depressing site that has almost all the latest movies, and you can watch it instantly. http://viooz.co/
Its depressing because I just saw Hangover in the theater and if you have just visited the site you'l get why its depressing. They have it, free and easy to watch. I regret having to pay and see the movie, but can argue with myself (something i'v been doing a lot lately, thanks to never ending holidays) (never thought I'd say this but I like having lot to study better that having nothing to do), what was I talking about?....ah! yes, I can argue with myself saying that the experience of watching a movie in the big screen is completely different, but its just for arguments sake.

I know I'v been talking about this a lot (ok! once, but if its an article in my blog, then you should know that its written a million times in my dairy, so I have been talking about it a lot) but I have to say that J.K Rowling is one of the best authors I have come across. And each of her books seem to be Better than the previous (not to mention Bigger). I finished the 3rd book and it was such a rollercoster ride that I had to take one day off the continuous reading, just to digest all the awesomeness. Obviously I started the next book, but I'm just reading it slower that I have read the others (yes, that would explain the movie).

But today was a really hilarious day, filled with good and bad news in precisely the same order. All the life determining crap that has been going on for so long that I could rip my head apart. And the best part, it not even over yet, infact now I have to wait till July (the one month I thought I would Free to do some traveling, but I'm just not lucky with that) for the mess to be over, and right after that College will start and that the end of vacation. Ugh! On the bright side, I'm free now and I have so many more movies to watch and so ,many books to read. That, I must say is almost as good as traveling (almost).

And my new favorite song...Castle Of Glass-Linkin Park http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScNNfyq3d_w   I dont know what, but there is just something about that song that really gripping. I just cant stop listening to it all day (and night)

Present Obsesssion

Its a very confused feeling to be proved wrong. Your stuck finding it hard to admit but yet, you need to voice out how wrong you have been for so long. I can proudly say that I was one of those people who truly detested Harry Potter. It was during the phase of my life where everything my sister did was lame. Of course she was a die hard fan. It was after the phase when everything my sister did I needed to do, obviously! ( I'm guessing every younger sibling goes through this, or maybe it was just me....I hope not) That could explain why I used to keep wearing the glasses of everyone in the house till I got short sight myself. I still remember marking the day as one of my happiest.

I recently went over to my friend Dion's house and borrowed the entire collection from her. She, part of the long list of people who have been pestering me to read the series, had lent it to me saying the words I had grown used to - "you have not read it yet!" I must inform you that I'm a very slow reader. I tend to take four days to finish a 'Famous Five' book. The problem is that I cannot do continuous reading for more that one hour.( A habit I have for not just reading I must add.) My best record yet was finishing a 'Sidney Sheldon' book in two weeks! I would look at the thick book with a sense of enormous achievement bellowing in my eyes. Little did I know that The one book I detested would have me so hooked on that I would finish it in one day! I was amazed at myself as the pages seemed to go on without me even realizing it! And just like that I was done with not just the first book but also the second and within no time I'm somewhere in the middle of the third.

Thus, I find myself in a fix. I have to talk to someone about how much I an enjoying the book, and I want to avoid the obvious "I told you so" I will most definitely get. Of course I could not contain myself any longer and blurted out my embarrassing secret to all I know! They are all eagerly waiting till I finish the series and cal have loud pointless discussions on it. The most surprising about it is that I also have a repugnant habit of loosing interest ( if i may call it that), and it has not inflicted me yet! However, lets see how long this Harry Potter phase is going to last. 

AAHA!

I look at all other blogs with hilarious, hideous things written in it and I think to myself, 'lets start a blog that I can go crazy in'. 
But then I tell myself that I'm so not that kinda blogger. I blog about essential, life altering, all important, meaningful,  useless, pointless self obsessed, boring things of my boring life. 
Look! There's some crap about a basket ball that apparently describes my current life situation, and it has a part 2 like those repelling movies people think are awesome -twilight! 
Alright! I hereby swear to never write anymore crap about a dam basketball ( but it makes so much sense) NO! I put my foot down! ( as if my foot was up in the air all this while like i'm practicing to join the circus, besides I don't bent that way). 
That is such a ridiculous phase people keep using ( its used by my dad, maybe that's why). Speaking of ridiculous phases its not like the present generation have come up with any decent ones. For example, "lets hang out" is either suicidal or app-ish in its literal sense, because you can either "hang" "outside" on a tree, like what Judas did to kill himself, or you can "hang" on monkey bars that is "outside" to embrace our ancestral, evolutionary traits.
The present generation has a brain of concrete anyway. Mixed up real good and solidified real good. I am aware of the fact that when I say present generation it includes me to, thank you. Besides I think its awesome that I have a jumbled up brain. AAHA! I think we have found our problem! 
Dam now I have to try and keep this a secret. ( so not gonna happen)
I need to sleep.

The Basket Ball ...Match!

Remember the post I wrote about standing at the court and staring at a basket ball at the rim of the basket and waiting to see if it will get in or out, and how that's exactly how I felt? If not here's the link read it! I have to talk about it.
http://henapaul.blogspot.in/2013/05/the-basket-ball.html

The answer to that question is Yes! The ball went in. But little did I know that with that question answered I now have a million other question of the same kind, that only time can reveal. I now need to know if that basket helped me win the match! Or was it just one that goes wasted cause I lost the match. And how many more such scores are needed for me to win the match.

All I can do is bite my nails and eagerly await the outcome of all that I'v gone though for the past 2 years. All the realizations, the lessons and the pain, all the happiness and where life is going to take me next! To quote what someone I know said " Just take it all as it comes, no point getting worked up. It will all turn out for the better". I could not agree more. I take what comes and do the best I can with it! I'm letting FATE decide!
(Oh! Bless me! How foolish can that be?)

Crazy And Nuts ..The Same ???

What I learned today is something very new! I learned it from a rather queer acquaintance but never the less its interesting. This person explained to me the difference between Crazy and Nuts. Yes! even I thought it means the same, but what do you know. After all learn something new everyday right. Crazy is when you do something without thinking. You just do it at the spur of the moment, what you heart says you should do. When your heart says do something thrilling, you just do it, NO thinking, NO questions, NO regrets. Nuts is when you keep thinking about that thrilling thing your about to do, you keep saying to yourself that its too dangerous and can turn bad it moments, but you do it anyway. And you enjoy it thoroughly. LOTS of thinking, LOTS of questions, NO regrets. Now, there are people who are crazy, people who are nuts, but me, I'm crazy sometimes and nuts in the others. so what am I CANUTS

The Rodents

How many of you can truthfully say that you like rats? If you see a rat around where you are right now would you treat it with mango juice and Oreo biscuits like you would for a guest or would you treat it with sticks and stones and a mouse trap? I can bet almost all of you are saying mouse trap, and those who are not, are lying to yourselves. Yet you know not the reason behind this animosity. One so grave that you would resort to killing a living being though its done nothing wrong to you. In fact it might be just like you and me, in search for the two things we need to survive, food and love. Some might say that we detest these rodents simply because they carry plagues and diseases. But is not a squirrel capable of carrying the same disease of these rats? If you tale off the fluffy tail and dip a squirrel in black paint it might even look alike. Yet we hate the rats and not so much a squirrel.
This was one the explanations a German soldier gave to a french daily farmer when he came to conduct a search for any Jews the farmer might be housing!

Sometimes you know not why to dislike some people. You know not why you find them irritating. Others who would do just the same things to you, you can tolerate. But some, you detest for reasons you yourself cannot understand. I guess that's the way life is! I remember considering myself one that can accept people way they are. I can, ironically, still say that. Except this time there is a 'but' to that statement. I can accept people the way they are as long as they don't meddle with my life.

Maybe I'm missing out on a friendship that would have lasted a long time. Maybe I'm missing out on a lot of benefits these people would have got for me. Maybe these people have changed now ( and if they have i'l be the happiest person around) but I still cannot let them inside my life again. I cannot trust them and what kind friendship is not based on trust....a bad one. And a bad friendship should be ended. Now the question is...the next time a rat enters your house, what would you do?

Ugly Kid Joe - Everything About You

A song can actually describe exactly what you feel.

GO ROCK!

And I, get sick when I'm around, I, can't stand to be around, 

I, hate everything about you! 

Everything about you, 

Everything about you, 

Everything about you! 

Some say I got a bad attitude, 

But that don't change the way I feel about you, 

And if you think this thought might bring me down, 

Look again cause I aint wearin no frown! 

Everything about you, everything about... 

I, get sick when I'm around... 

I, can't stand to be around... 

I, hate everything about... you! Haha...

The Voice ( not the show :p)

When your body gives up on you, you have no hope left,

Listen to that faint voice inside you saying, 'Don't give up yet'.

Many at times the only person that can inspire you is yourself. Everyone around you would have lost faith in you. The people who said that they will support you might now be against you. The world might be laughing at your failure. But you truly fail only once you begin to think your a failure too. If one looks deep enough they will find a faint voice, one meek voiceless voice. A voice suppressed by the screams of others, by the laughing and mockery. A voice saying that there is still hope. You have to believe in that voice. Its saying the truth. Hold on to that voice and raise up! Things will definitely turn around.

A Breed I Hate

Have you met someone who considers life a race? Who always trying to find out how good someone is at what they do, and compare themselves to the person? Sneakily tries to find out how the person does it and by hook or by crook tries to master their ability? They try to pretend to be your friend, but you'l never know that they are your biggest enemy.

I do agree that competition is essential. There are many races in life one will have to win or loose. But life is not a race, on the contrary a race is part of life. There are so many things that life has to offer other than races and competition. Yes, the victory is satisfying, but whats the fun if you have no one to celebrate with. You spent all your life treating the people around you as competitors, disguising yourself as a friend, and used their trust as a source to better yourself. All these people realized what you are doing and walked out of your life. And finally when you have all the success you have worked for you will have no one to celebrate with. No one who truly cares that is.

I frankly hate these kind of people. I always wonder what that kind of victory will give them anyway. Some sick satisfaction that they are better that the rest of the world? It's good to enjoy when you are the best at what you do, but that rejoicing should not be about how bad others are compared to you. It should be about  how your hard work has payed off. It should be guilt free, where you won fare and square and did not use someone the get there. I'm the kind of person who enjoys being around people. We are social beings. We all get lonely sometimes. We all need someone to lean on because things will never go the way we want it to, but if you make use of the people who are willing to lend a shoulder then you are driving them away. That's selfish and moreover, stupid.

Another breed of people I don't like are the lairs. They either lie or twist the truth to their benefit. I'v met people who will dramatize incidences to gain the pity and sympathy of others. They will go to any extent to make someone think they are being tortured. A good friend of mine once said: 'If you are going to lie, do some research before hand.' Someone once lied about having french cuisine, when asked to name the dish, replied 'pasta'. "My mom came to hit me with a baseball bat", we'r in India, nobody here plays baseball. Cricket bat would have been more believable! "I went to Australia and lived right opposite Ross Taylor's house". He's from New Zealand. And this is the worst. "I didn't study at all, I'm going to fail", then get 88 out of 100. Its all so frustrating.

I just hope that these racers and lairs realize what they are doing and stop it. But we all know that's too much to ask for. To us, its just frustration that will come and go. But for these people its their reputation at stake. They need to know that no one will believe anything they say even if they might be saying the truth. Its a price you have to pay for cheating, lies and exaggeration. So don't cheat people, don't lie and don't exaggerate. If people think your life is boring the way it is, let them. Its better that them knowing your life is a Lie !

The Basket Ball

In a few more days I'll get to know the answers to a lot of my questions. As the day approaches I can't help but sense this certain amount of fear. I just figured out that only four colleges offer the course I want to take up in my State. Way to go competition. And as though to make things worse, only one of them is in the city I live in. This I great.

The fear is partly cause of the fact that I might have to leave town to study. Its scary enough to know that I have to stay in a hostel, and now it might be in one further away from home. This is what I want ironically, to be away from my parents. I love them very much, but I will not learn to be independent if I have them to take care of me. Yet I feel fear, fear of the unknown.

Imagine you attempted to shoot a basketball into the hoop and the ball just lingers undecidedly around the rim. In that second, in that miniscule second, when you are waiting to see if the ball will go in or out you sense this fear, right? That's the kind of fear I feel right now. Just waiting, all you can do is done, hoping fate will do good to you. You will find yourself taking to the ball, like it can actually understand what you are saying - get in. Those two words are the only two words in my mind too.

Wish me luck! 

Life The Trickster

Ever wonder why whenever you have something to do, you wish you had nothing to do, and when you have nothing to do, you wish you had something to do? When you have to go to school or college you wish it was holidays and when its holidays you wish you had college? Life plays such weird tricks on you that way. Its true what they say I guess 'the grass is greener on the other side'.

But why does it have to be that way? Why cant people be happy with where they are or with what they are doing? When I had to go to college I would wish that it was a holiday, but I love going to college. Why could I not wake up and tell myself that today I'l go to college cause that's what will be fun? Also when I had holidays tell myself that that's what is more fun.

I'v been sitting at home for almost two months now and been real bored. But thanks to this realization I'm going to try and prove that bad old proverb wrong. Lets not care what color the damn grass is, let it be pink for all I know. I'm going to wake up tomorrow and tell myself that its a holiday, whats the best I can do to make it a productive one. Be happy with spending my time doing what I'm doing, when I'm doing it. Life, I know you are a trickster, but do you know I'm a magician? 

My Current Question

Do I really have Katsaridaphobia? For those of you how are wondering what that is...its the fear of cockroaches! According to my sources ( the internet of course) people suffering from Katsaridaphobia feel tense and scared of the insect though they know it can potentially do no harm. This is true in my case. But it also says that these people shut all doors and windows and spray insecticides everywhere to prevent the insect from reaching their house hold. I definitely don't do either of this. Maybe because my mom takes care of all that. They say that one of the causes of katsaridaphobia can be a traumatizing incident in the past. Well when I was a kid I loved playing underneath an ironing table. Once I played under there for so long that I fell asleep there. When I woke up, I vividly remember a cockroach right on my chest, almost as though staring at me. To sum to all up, grave fear-check, traumatizing incident-check, uncanny OCD-isd behavior-check (by mom) So what? DO I have Katsaridaphobia? ...

P.S : you should check out all the other phobias people have. The funniest I found was Coprophobia-fear of feces! How can someone be scared of their own 'shit' :P

After writing many important exams this is still what I have to say!! :P