What does it feel like, having believed in something for all your life and suddenly realize its all been a lie? A big huge lie. A lie you have been telling yourself cause you are too scared to face the truth! Truth is uncertain, scary and involves a lot of risks! No one knows if you are going to make it. You are not even certain if your are going to make it. But whats life if you don't take chances while you are young, and have the luxury to make mistakes. I'll tell you what it feels like, Growing up!
Till very recently I believed I wanted to be a doctor. My dad had told me about it a couple of times, well not just a couple, a lot, and not exactly told, but convinced. See back then I had no idea what I wanted to be. I was confused. So like the rightful duty of all parents my dad talked me into doing Medicine. I admit I thought it was not a bad idea at all. Up until very recently, when reality began to approached and seem real, did I realize it is my dads dream, not mine. I want to do Psychology. Always wanted to and probably the only reason I had to stick on to doing MBBS was the idea that I could take up Psychiatry. But I realized that I don't have to have a doctorate to do that. And if I wanted one I could always to a PhD. But am I interested in medicine? I am interested in biology, but then again i'm interested in history, environmental education, physics, and that's just the academics part of it. Who do I want to be 10 years down the road? A Psychologist...?
Its a scary world, and if you are going to get convinced by what the rest of the world thinks you should become, and if pressure yourself to reach up to their expectations then you'd only end up in regret and remorse.In simple words, your doomed. The only persons expectations you have to live up to is yourself. At 18, we all know that's easier said than done. Our mind is so fickle, we can hardly decide what we want to do the next minute, let alone the rest of our lives. So its justified when I say that its hard for us to have to make such important decisions at such a young age. But even at this young age, when the all important question is posed to us there is something deep down giving the answer. Religion calls is the Holy Spirit, science calls it the Conscience, I really don't know what it is, but its there. Society clouds this soft voice, the loud voices of others, even your closest loved ones can over shadow that small fragile voice. They might just be trying to help, but it turns into convincing. And like me, you'd be left confused because your heart wants something else and family wants something else.
I sat back and tried to bring out that voice, let it speak. And I never felt more myself before. I began to be me, the person I want to be and not what society expects me to be. And I figured I want to give MBBS a shot. A clear sincere shot, I still want to pursue Psychology, and that's what I'm going to do, but in case I get into an awesome medical college, and I do have a specific one in mind, I'll not be the idiot who ignored a wonderful opportunely, like I said, I'm still young and I have the luxury to make mistakes.
Now that just makes things real confusing, does it not?
It is, it really is. Its not simple having believed in something all your life and suddenly have to change that. So I find it impossible to let the idea go. I do feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulder, but I cant let go of the idea. Let me explain. The reason I feel relief when I think of not doing MBBS is because for so long I have been doing this for others, not myself. And the second I figured that I don't have to do that I felt relief. But I'l just be lying to myself all over again if I say that I'm not interested in MBBS, it has grown on me since the past 18 years. So this time when ever i'm studying i'm doing it for myself, because that's what I want. I must add that it feel real good to be doing something for myself. Heck if I want I can take up Psychology or Psychiatry as long as its my sole decision. As long as i'm achieving my dream, not my dad, to quote EMINEM - 'I'm doing this for me'.
Till very recently I believed I wanted to be a doctor. My dad had told me about it a couple of times, well not just a couple, a lot, and not exactly told, but convinced. See back then I had no idea what I wanted to be. I was confused. So like the rightful duty of all parents my dad talked me into doing Medicine. I admit I thought it was not a bad idea at all. Up until very recently, when reality began to approached and seem real, did I realize it is my dads dream, not mine. I want to do Psychology. Always wanted to and probably the only reason I had to stick on to doing MBBS was the idea that I could take up Psychiatry. But I realized that I don't have to have a doctorate to do that. And if I wanted one I could always to a PhD. But am I interested in medicine? I am interested in biology, but then again i'm interested in history, environmental education, physics, and that's just the academics part of it. Who do I want to be 10 years down the road? A Psychologist...?
Its a scary world, and if you are going to get convinced by what the rest of the world thinks you should become, and if pressure yourself to reach up to their expectations then you'd only end up in regret and remorse.In simple words, your doomed. The only persons expectations you have to live up to is yourself. At 18, we all know that's easier said than done. Our mind is so fickle, we can hardly decide what we want to do the next minute, let alone the rest of our lives. So its justified when I say that its hard for us to have to make such important decisions at such a young age. But even at this young age, when the all important question is posed to us there is something deep down giving the answer. Religion calls is the Holy Spirit, science calls it the Conscience, I really don't know what it is, but its there. Society clouds this soft voice, the loud voices of others, even your closest loved ones can over shadow that small fragile voice. They might just be trying to help, but it turns into convincing. And like me, you'd be left confused because your heart wants something else and family wants something else.
I sat back and tried to bring out that voice, let it speak. And I never felt more myself before. I began to be me, the person I want to be and not what society expects me to be. And I figured I want to give MBBS a shot. A clear sincere shot, I still want to pursue Psychology, and that's what I'm going to do, but in case I get into an awesome medical college, and I do have a specific one in mind, I'll not be the idiot who ignored a wonderful opportunely, like I said, I'm still young and I have the luxury to make mistakes.
Now that just makes things real confusing, does it not?
It is, it really is. Its not simple having believed in something all your life and suddenly have to change that. So I find it impossible to let the idea go. I do feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulder, but I cant let go of the idea. Let me explain. The reason I feel relief when I think of not doing MBBS is because for so long I have been doing this for others, not myself. And the second I figured that I don't have to do that I felt relief. But I'l just be lying to myself all over again if I say that I'm not interested in MBBS, it has grown on me since the past 18 years. So this time when ever i'm studying i'm doing it for myself, because that's what I want. I must add that it feel real good to be doing something for myself. Heck if I want I can take up Psychology or Psychiatry as long as its my sole decision. As long as i'm achieving my dream, not my dad, to quote EMINEM - 'I'm doing this for me'.
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